Day away

With school closed due to a public holiday, I took the day off.  Back to work tomorrow...

Sick day

Just a quick update from Tuesday, I did stay home to rest (and prevent spreading my illness).  I had optimistic hopes of doing computer work from home, but instead I sleep most of the day.  This morning (Wednesday) I am back at work and will give another update this evening.

Losing steam

In the spirit of enthusiasm and optimism, I've labelled today a "2" (referring to how well I feel the day went).  I seem to be reaching a wall, both mentally and physically.  One reason I am posting this evening (and the reason I am home before it's dark) is because I am starting to feel sick.  Now I was careful this past weekend (when visiting family) to get a decent amount of sleep and last night (when I returned to Bozeman) I fought off the instinct to go into work.  However, despite my conservative attempts, I still worry I am coming down with something.

My work in the lab is slowly progressing.  Today we tried a fresh approach to our problems from last week, but arrived at the same dead-end.  We have a couple emails out to the equipment manufacturer, hoping for some insight, but with those folks in Germany responses are delayed.  We have a couple workarounds in mind, but we're waiting for a response before we move in any direction.  All the while I lose measurement time.  Also, it doesn't help that today makes 100 days until my thesis submission.  Right now I am so focused on the work at hand (which isn't working) that I am not feeling confident in my thesis.

For now I hope a long night's sleep and a fresh attitude in the morning will help see things move along.

New material

Early this morning I picked up a paper of interest from a colleague.  The work in the article was relevant to my efforts so I spent a good number of hours reading, thinking and discussing the contents.  In the afternoon I went back to reading my textbooks, but struggled to keep my mind on task.  It's scare how a small perturbation in your schedule can impact an entire day.  Luckily, at this point, I have time to be flexible and explore new ideas as they come up and I don't have to block out input form external sources.

False start

Even after resting over the weekend, I stayed home this morning to shake off my cold.  It would have been a short day as I volunteered Monday afternoons.  I did attend my volunteer shift as this was my last one; I've stepped back from my commitment as I am headed overseas for a long period and want to focus the next few months on my thesis.

Sick day

Today I wasn't feeling well and didn't make it out of the house.  With some rest at home today, I hope to get back to work tomorrow.

Pastoral care

So today's post title comes directly from my supervisor.  No he's not becoming a contributor to the blog, but this was his description of a talk we had this afternoon.  I am 6 months away from submitting my thesis and I have moments where I seriously question the value of my work.  I won't call this interaction with my supervisor a "pep talk," because that's not what I was looking for, it was more of a "logic and reality talk".  It's his opinion that all (most?) students have similar feelings and that these feelings arise in particular when the thesis is in an early stage.  Following one of my prime reasons for writing this blog (i.e. helping other students), I want to make very clear that it's normal (and typical) to question your work.  Now I suppose there's always a chance that these feelings are warranted and in these cases it's important to take inventory of research, in particular why you did what you have done and what do you take from your work.  With proper supervision, I would be very surprised if 6 months before submitting your thesis, you realise there was no rational reason for your work or that after a few years you have absolutely no results to discuss (remember even a null result is a result!).  Speaking with my supervisor didn't make my apprehension go away entirely, but it was extremely help to talk about my concerns.

Before having the aforementioned crisis of confidence, I was able to write uninterrupted for two hours and drafted a couple sections for my thesis.  For the rest of the day I worked in the lab setting up for future experiments and took a couple trips to the mechanical workshop to troubleshoot some issues with the hardware that will go overseas with me in April.

Bits

Today I worked on small jobs, including updating my thesis references (this was my writing task for the day), searching literature, reading, and trying to get a parcel through customs.  While all these tasks needed to be done, my schedule was a little erratic.  I didn't block off specific hours for either writing or reading and as a result I drifted between jobs.

Stuff

Today  continued on with my programming library for data analysis.  It's a fantastic exercise as I've never before built such a complex module.  For processing experiments I've typically written self contained scripts that evolve with my methods.  In this case I'll have a single collection of code snippets to keep up to date (or add to) which will work over the next 6 months much more efficient.  At the end of the day, I spent a little bit of time with my thesis, adding to the outline/structure just to get my head in the right place and to start thinking about what work goes where.  It's a get exercise to take inventory of what has happened to date and what still needs to be done over the next few months.

More of the same

Today I continued with my work from yesterday.  Specifically I looked at the data collected during my recent long time drift experiment where I was looking at the stability of an instrument.  The results are very interesting and have spurred me on to other meaningful and necessary tasks.  At the end of the day I attended another postgraduate seminar, this one was on time and task management.  The talk was well put together, thought provoking and I even came away with a couple practical tip I'll look into on the weekend.

Various things

Today I started experiments to look at the long time stability of certain measurements.  It's easy to set-up the instrument and start collecting data, but then it's a long acquisition.  In the mean time I looked in detail at my results from last week.  Figuring what information is present and what I need to follow up on.  I spent a short amount of time in SolidWorks updating parts and prints.  Also I made contact with a shop outside of the school that I'll use for some glass work.  At the end of the day I attended another postgraduate seminar in our school (last week's "How to Find a Post-Doc Position" was in the same series).  This talk was given by my supervisor and discussed the typesetting tool LaTeX which I have been using for the past three years, but I still wanted to attend to pick-up on some of the less technical aspects (history, pros, cons, etc.).

Another day

Today I worked on some hardware designs.  Primarily I wanted to focus on blueprints, but I spent a good portion of the day revamping details of individual parts.  The issue here is that I am in New Zealand designing and planning to build hardware that will fit an instrument located on the other side of the planet (in Montana).  Additionally, the original manufacturer of the equipment (in Germany) is helping answer technical questions as needed.  It's a really cool experience to be part of a truly international collaboration, but it's sort of like the team building exercise where you tell your blindfolded friend how to build a Lego set.  All communication needs to be clear and succinct and every conversation takes a day and half to go back and forth.

For a break, this afternoon I attended a workshop, put on by a former student of our school, about finding a postdoc position.  The session was great, but it seems like there's no one size fits all solution to finding work after your PhD.  In fact, based on the number of variables, it really seems like the strategy will vary greatly between you and even your closest colleagues.  After much thought and discussion with friends, I wonder how similar finding a postdoc (or any job) after your programme is to finding a place to live.  My thought here is that shelter is a necessity and that given the pressure to find housing (or employment) you'll make do out of the options available.  Much of the feedback I've heard from former students is to start searching early.  Fair enough, but how do I know/commit/find something now that won't happen for another 6-12 months?  Would you commit to a rental house 12 months in advance?  Maybe if it's your dream, but otherwise I'd keep my options open.  Perhaps my feeling is that all this "how to find a postdoc" advice should actually be labelled "how to find the perfect postdoc".  I am still pondering these thoughts and plan to perform my own experiment over the next year, so please feel free to chime in with any comments.

Finally, this evening I was talking with my wife (a fellow PhD student) about the ups and downs of doctoral life.  Both of us are looking to submit our thesis in about 6 months and both of us are concerned with our productivity as of late.  Now each day I go to work and each day I do a days worth of work, but this doesn't seem like enough.  With 6 months left to go in my studies, I should be crunching data and writing 24 hours a day!  My thought here (and I've mentioned this before) is that I am still recovering from the mandatory two weeks off last month.  And no, I am not on vacation mode, but it has taken this long for external pressure to build back up and motivate results.  Now that seems horrible, as if the only way I get any work done is when I am told to do something, but it's something deeper than that.  It's tough to explain, but it seems as though we oscillate between periods of heavy and then low... hummm productivity isn't the right word, because it's not about the output rather the input.  We seem to build up to a frenzy and work really hard, and then crash.  Like some sort of academic sugar crash.  I notice that the fine tuning needed here is how far we let our self go, a psychological equivalent to a deadband.  I think the oscillatory behaviour is natural, but it might be possible to tune the system so that the difference between the highs and lows isn't so extreme, moderation is key.  Before the break I was all go because I knew I wanted certain work finished before the holidays, this effectively pushed me into a period of high performance which subsequently lead to my current slump.  Coming back to the acquisition of vacation mode, the vacation actually played very little into the scenario, other that the fact it prompted the big push in the lab.

A mild crisis

Two big things happened today.  First I spent a great deal of time on my project and I am actually getting work done quickly.  With a couple more days this week I expect to have the design and possible blueprints finished.  I had a short chat with a couple of the machinists in our school's workshop and we're starting to go back and forth with ideas, which is an essential part to refine the plans.

The second part of today was a minor crisis and prolonged period of panic.  Actually the panic has been building for a couple days now and has yet to disperse entirely.  To all my fellow students reading this blog, I want to make it perfectly clear that it is ok and normal for you to worry about your thesis.  Including, but not limited to, questioning the amount of work, the quality of your work, or your ability to complete your thesis on time.  From what I've observed to date, there may even be an analogue between panic attacks leading up to submission and contractions prior to childbirth; in general both phenomenon seem to increase in frequency and intensity as you build towards the final outcome.  Now all joking aside, I have been concerned about the time I have left and if the work I'll do over the next 198 days will be enough for a PhD.  In response to my meltdown I did what all students should do and I sat down with my supervisor.  I went over what I have on my plate right now (these things are the priorities) and I talked him through the to do list.  Additionally, I mentioned which things I am looking to cut due to time and the fact these items contribute very little overall to my research.  We both see the amount as time as a limiting factor, but my supervisor also feels that I currently have quite a bit of work stacking up and have more results coming in over the next few months from projects that are already in motion.  This wasn't news to me, but I was glad to hear this from someone else.  I am still nervous, but at this point all I can do is to continue with my work.  I am organised (a big plus in a crisis situation) and I have great support.  I need to keep pushing towards my deadline, making progress on my work and hopefully I will rise out of this latest funk.

Blur

Things moved fast today.  I spent a couple hours in the lab before heading off to volunteer.  I worked on a number of small tasks in the lab, mostly around preparing to load and test a sample tomorrow.  It was a pretty busy day and I didn't feel like I really took hold of a job before having to move on to the next one.

Impromptu

On a whim I took the morning off of work.  Mondays are always short due to volunteering in the afternoon, so I decided to just take the whole day.  Actually for months now my wife and I have talked about working from home or just taking Monday mornings off, but in the past my schedule never allowed for such a luxury.  We'll have to see if the trend continues.

By the way, the day was wonderful, but due to a guilty conscience, I had to compromise with a "2" for today's rating.

Still learning

This morning I started my day with a trip to the dentist and then headed into work.  In the lab I pushed on with learning a new programming environment, but have only started to scratch the surface.  In the afternoon I attended a meeting between the PGSA and members of the University.  Afterwards, I went back to work, running experiments and analysing data.

Guilt

Other than the odd email and a quick trip into the lab to pick up some papers, I didn't do any work today. 

While time off is suppose to be a good thing, all it seems to do is give me guilt and stress.  I am constantly thinking about work and today was no exception, however, as I wasn't at school I was plagued with the thought I should be at my desk.  In the end I question how beneficial "time off" really is and maybe it's best to stick to a regular schedule.

Hidden Work

Today was more of the same: writing, figures and programming.  With regards to the first two, this is where I spent most of my time today.  I am continuing with a stream of written diarrhoea in the hope of building some critical mass for my paper.  To paraphrase my supervisor, "just get words down so the page doesn't look so empty."  While I know I'll have a lot of editing and formatting in the future, for now, the more I write the less intimidating the task becomes.  I am also working on the figures as these are the core of any paper.  I've heard from numerous supervisors (with regards to writing a paper), "start with the figures."  In both writing and plotting I am continuing to learn new Latex or Python skills (these are the tools I use for the previously mentioned jobs), which helps to keep me interested in the tasks at hand.

This evening my wife needed to work late so I was able to stay a couple extra hours.  Having already spent the day on what I "should" be doing, I decided to work on things I "want" to be doing.  To be fair I do "want" to finish my paper, but I am talking about indulging in some new electronics and programming ideas.  What can I say, I wanted some Friday night fun!

Pen to paper

This morning I spent an hour or so working on a couple figures for a paper.  At some point, I realised that what I really needed to be working on was the text of my manuscript.  Earlier in the week I had laid out an outline of the manuscript so I started writing the methods sections.  These are notoriously "easy" to write and a great way to quickly build momentum for the writing of the draft.  While ultimately I know I'll need to shave down the text in the methods section, for now it's a way to reach a critical mass and hopefully make the process less intimidating. In the afternoon, I once again left school to spend time reading.

Little bits

This morning I spent some time working with another student in the lab.  Later on I started formatting my figures for a paper.  In the afternoon I left campus to read a few articles.  Overall I've been feeling very tired, but I've been able to squeak out some work.